I’m in the middle of some major life changes that have been immediate priorities, which means this little space of mine has been neglected. It’s also slightly intentional, as I want to avoid making any mistakes or leave any paper trails that could potentially affect the outcome of my divorce.

I have a lot of thoughts, feelings, and general sentiment about that specific topic that I would absolutely love to unload and let go of in written form, but I’m intentionally holding out until it’s all finalized. A lot of my life has shifted toward the better, but it took a very big toll to get here. I’m still paying for it in many ways, but at the end of the day, being able to actually be happy and comfortable in my new space has been the ultimate payoff.

I never felt so wicked
As when I willed our love to die

https://open.spotify.com/track/0ieqq1wbtso2UjJWPqJ5Xc?si=045aef19de014ca7

I will say, I probably didn’t go about this transition in the easiest way possible, but I figured if I was going to make big changes it’s time to jump right in. The biggest change is relocating to a city almost 3000 miles away from where I had spent most of my life, but leaving Texas feels like the right move. The political climate, the general climate, the cost of living, the need for something new, and the call of wanderlust was just the right amount of motivation to get me to pack up what little I could take and move to Seattle. I know I’m still in the honeymoon phase, but I love my tiny little space, my quirky little neighborhood, and the convenience of being able to walk to so many things has been a joy.

It’s these small things that are adding up to a general feeling of content and growth. I had felt so stagnant in every aspect of my life prior to this change, despite the rocky journey, that I just feel better equipped to move on. While getting used to a new place has its challenges, I feel like I’ve done this before in much scarier circumstances (Hello Stockholm! It’s me, a new resident American living in your city during a pandemic!) that it isn’t that foreign or that unsurmountable.

The biggest win I’ve had so far though, is that I’m not falling into self-destructive tendencies to cope; don’t get me wrong, I’ve had my fair share of alcohol and cannabis lately, but the intent of consumption was more for relaxation rather than to get black out and will away the time. I have a lot of hope and optimism for this new chapter in my life, but I also know that there are going to be challenges that I need to face in different ways. I just feel so much support that I’m hopeful this change is for the better.

But now I’m gold
But now I’m gold
But now I’m gold