Subtitle: Another post about music

Tonight was the night I’ve spent months waiting for; The Gaslight Anthem played Showbox SoDo. A single sentence doesn’t do this action justice. This night, this event, has been a culmination of months coming to a close for me; a bookend to a chapter with no definitive beginning, but an official end.

Months ago I saw that this band would be doing a tour of North America. I was still living in Austin, but saw that they’d be stopping in Seattle (no tour stops in Texas, what?) and I couldn’t help but do a double-take at this. I have a friend who would probably say that this was the universe giving me a sign, but I’m too daft and stubborn to believe that the energies of all things would somehow manifest into a specific sign for me, but yet, I do have to wonder. Anyway, without any inkling of the future I just said “fuck it” and bought myself a ticket.

Pull it out, turn it up, what’s your favorite song?
That’s mine, I’ve been crying to it since I was young
I know there’s someone out there feeling just like I feel

I bought a ticket to an event in a city I didn’t live in, didn’t have any roots in, and didn’t have any concept of how I’d get to said show. I had just come back from a trip to Seattle and was still riding the high from that trip. I had once again fallen in love with the west coast and knew I had wanted to come back, I just didn’t know in what capacity.

To say the last six months of my life have been tumultuous would be an understatement. What I once knew was up is now down, and what I thought was the norm has now become something that often makes my stomach turn. I know this feels like a derail, but it’s not, there is a connection.

And here’s where we died that time last year
And here’s where the angels and devils meet

Anyway, I remember the day I bought this ticket. I had no idea what was next for me but I knew it was going to be an uphill battle no matter what. I feel like I’ve lived a lifetime over the last six months and the person I was at the beginning of 2022 would not recognize this version of me. All I know is that at some point, I bought a ticket for a show in some far-off city and I made it a personal goal to attend it. I didn’t know how it would happen, but I made it a goal to figure it out make it possible. After a series of months full of major life decisions, broken hearts, b

What’s even funnier is that I almost didn’t even go. It was probably the first day I’ve had with this job that I had actually gotten truly frustrated to the point where I spent a good chunk of the working hours sitting in silent brooding, like some silly teenager. It was the first instance in which things dogpiled into a situation that not only made me feel inept, but also truly pissed off. It’s been a long while since I haven’t felt like a superhero at work and it was taking its toll on me. By 4:30p, I was ready to throw in the towel, toss on my PJs, and zone out, but a persistent voice inside of me kept me from doing so, and I’m glad it did. I threw some fancy clothes on, grabbed a light purse, and hailed a ride-share in an intentional flurry to avoid any potential second thoughts.

And it gets pretty late and the stations will change
And the things once in order now seem so strange

The venue was a standard one with running toilets and actual paper towels in the bathrooms. I took root in a spot to the left of the stage and eventually, the band took the stage. Without any warning, they opened up with one of the most personal (to me) songs in their catalog: Get Hurt. I was not emotionally prepared; I even remember saying OUT LOUD “They are _NOT_ opening with this, oh my god”, to which a few people around me nodded.

I saw tail lights last night in a dream about my first wife.
Everybody leaves and I’d expect as much from you.
I saw tail lights last night in a dream about my old life.
Everybody leaves, so why, why wouldn’t you?

Again, I was not emotionally prepared. I knew this song would come up, but I didn’t expect them to open with it. I’d be lying if I said this was the emotional peak of the night, but there were so many more songs that feel so personal to me that they played. They followed up with Handwritten, and another gut punch, Great Expectations. The latter of which was something I would listen to in 2020; when I was trying to make peace with the decisions I was making and the fallout that would inevitably need attention.

All these words filling a page and yet I don’t feel like I’ve fully articulated how meaningful all this American Slang is. Maybe instead of even trying, I should wrap it all up and just reiterate how important music is to a human soul; it inspires, it heals, and it also somehow comforts us in knowing we aren’t the only ones feeling these things. It just means a little more when it’s a reward for completing a series of what seemed like insurmountable tasks.

I just wasn’t emotionally prepared to get hurt so quickly.