A question someone asked me recently and I’m having a hard time answering. Instinctively I feel like I should say “Austin” because that is where so much of my heart is, but…

But, I’ve disconnected from the city a long time ago. 

Is it here, in Seattle? I feel it’s too early to tell. I’m infatuated. I’ve fallen hard for this city. It feels like a direct reflection of who I am at this time in my life; a veneer that appears inviting, warm, safe, and entertaining, but there is a severe darkness to it. The juxtaposition of a beautiful image with a series of dark veins. An underbelly that would rival Gotham City. 

And yet, it feels right. A city that lives in extremes – a brutal winter followed by a stunning and enchanting summer.

But I hesitate to call it home just yet. I’m not sure why, maybe I need to ride out this infatuation first and see how I feel after a few weeks of no sun and drizzle. Maybe I’m hesitant to call it home because part of me still worries I may be called back to Texas. To shirk this need to be selfish, to find myself again, and deal with some of the uncut and frayed threads I left behind. 

I don’t know. I don’t want this infatuation, this feeling of wonder and discovery, to end. Maybe that’s what I’m also afraid of; that at some point I’ll think of this place as just another city I’m living in. Falling into a mundane routine that no longer amuses or feeds me.